By Shannon Cohen
It appears to be quite easy for us all, at one time or another, to get caught in the notion that connection and intimacy is something that can happen “when_____ occurs.”
“When he connects in this way.”
“When I feel better.”
“When there is more time.”
“When the kids are asleep.”
“When it’s the weekend.”
“When I’m less tired.”
Intimacy has been one of my greatest teachers and the lessons didn’t come in the form I thought they would.
It is so easy for intimacy to be set up as expectation, diminished through judgment, assessed through criteria, compared, measured, distanced from and insecure with or controlled.
I’m sure we have all experienced one of those responses to intimacy at some point or another in our life. I’ve seen this pattern in my work as a counselor too. Many of my clients have struggled with similar “someday” ideas around intimacy.
But what I have observed and loved about intimacy lately is this:
It is both Here and Now all the time just waiting for us to SEE it, appreciate it and savor it.
And it is also a container of love, openness and safety that is held for another which allows them to share consciously what is in their heart.
In my meditation time recently, it was revealed to me that Intimacy is all around us all the time. I was urged to pay attention, Shannon!
So I did. And here is what I observed:
Intimacy was the way Peter and I looked at each other over a lunch gathering we attended.
Intimacy was sharing from the heart with dear friends.
Intimacy is the way my mother prepared my father’s dinner with such love when he was not well.
Intimacy is the way an instrument speaks and moves hearts.
Intimacy is the way a man holds his lovers hand when he senses she could use the support.
Intimacy is always here and now in little and big ways. It is up to me to savor it, appreciate it, say YES to it, be broken open by it. Be fertile grounds for it to grow.
Intimacy is also in the honesty, the sharing and revealing of the heart.
I have often observed in my work, that when a deeper experience of intimacy is wanted by another it can come out in some less than flattering ways that tend to ignite defensiveness or some version of shutting down in us. The intention of our partner was pure, but it was a “back door” approach.
In my own life I’ve started a practice. I want to be a sacred space in my everyday life where intimacy can grow, be nurtured and thrive. I want to do this consciously and while maintaining connection with another.
I know, perhaps a lofty goal! But one worth taking on.
In just two weeks, this practice has made a big difference in my life. For example, yesterday I experienced a slightly “back door” approach to deepening intimacy (smile), and instead of reacting, I placed my hand on his arm and calmly and kindly said, “I can hear your request. Please share it with me and can you be specific? I will hear you.”
The response? “I want to pray and read more together.” And there it was. Mystical Intimacy. His heart expression just melted me open. But had I not been solid in my intention of holding a sacred space for intimacy to grow I would have missed out on OUR Mystical Moment together.
Instead, I took a breath, got still within, and with and in a spirit of love, I used the least number of words possible to let him know I was available to listen.
Often times Mysticism is simple, real and raw.
Then we prayed our gratitude together.
A simple request.
Made whole by the vulnerability of one and the consenting of another.
Savored in the Here and Now.
© 2015 The Mystical Moment.com